People who know me (or that have read this blog thoroughly) knows that I am very competitive, that I always compete, and that I hate competitions. The reason why I hate competitions is partly that I hate loosing, and partly that I am so self-centered that I think that everyone around me evaluates my performance. My preoccupation with the latter makes me super nervous of failing and making a fool out of myself. Last year, I tried to practice on my race head during UmBR. I think I got a bit closer to being able to face my fears, but I definitely still have quite some distance to go until I am in full race mode. I was sort of planning on making this summer a race-head boot camp, but the accident back in February of course put an end of that.
Or so I thought.
Apparently not. After two excruciatingly hot weeks without any biking what so ever (except the night before when we stopped biking at 11.15 pm), I yesterday found myself on the start line of Skellefteå Bike Rally.
I am not completely sure how I got the idea that racing that day would be a great idea. It was still way to hot to bike during daytime (over 30°C), and my legs were still tired from the bike ride up Råberget in Piteå the day before (which, by the way contained excellent rock slabs and a night swim in a lukewarm lake),
but somehow, I still really really wanted to do it. Perhaps it was the fact that I knew that I no one could have any expectations of me since I still define myself as partly invalid, or perhaps it was just that I thought that it would be very cool to write home about… Hrm… Well, regardless of my not-so-honorable motives, I am glad that they made me do it. Racing in Skellefteå gave me the chance to test both my physical and mental strength. Even though I knew before hand that I would probably end up last, actually ending up last place is not easy for me. Not at all. I keep finding myself making excuses for why I ended up last. But those are just what they are, excuses. I ended up last, and I think I needed that. I really need to practice on failing, and realize that its not that bad. Skellefteå Bike Rally not only gave me an opportunity to do that, it also gave me the chance to see how strong my legs have actually become. Who cares about the others? I RACED! I pulled through! I did it! Finally, the rally gave me the chance to bike super sweet trails and hang out with great people. Thanks Stojje for arranging the whole shabam!